Reviewing a Record, Reviewing The Insidious Lie

You Have Nothing New to Say

(or, I can't believe an awesome guy like Ted is married to such a kook)

Dear Idiots and Smart People,

This is going to be my review of the brand new Craig's Brother album, The Insidious Lie. It's a review (actually worth reading) from an insider's perspective.  Now, before you get your panties in a twist and navigate away, I'd like to point out that I respect that you have a perspective.  A lot of my phrasing and flavor is my art form and is largely satire based on opinion.  The one thing I struggle with is being able to handle the effects my humor has on people.  I often find myself remorseful of ruffling someone's fur... or perhaps it's just surprising that people don't understand what I say is almost always exaggerated for humor's sake. 

So, that's your disclaimer.  Here we go.

To the reviewers thus far (the most recent ones in particular), I'm curious if you are aware that what you wrote in your painstaking commentary was pretty much exactly the same review as the last guy's?  Where's the research? More importantly, where's the passion?  You're writing a review because it's your job or your hobby but it's written as if you're bored to tears.  Why do you do it?  Do you want to show the world that you have an opinion on punk rock's whipping boy?  I mean, I get it.  The whole, wanting to throw your two cents out to the interweb.  I do it all the time via much more asinine means than your dumb blog (see: faceinhole.com).

 

But, you know? Ok? At least what I do is for pleasure. That much should be obvious.  Your blog just seems so, blasé-cause-I-have-to.  You're writing off something beautiful with absolutely no knowledge of the effort that went in to it, and how awesome it really is is totally lost on you.  If you are the head of or an associate of a professional organization that reviews music then you should, A) Write an original review not exactly like the last guy's, and B) Know what you're talking about.  Send someone to talk to the band about what happened during all stages of producing their record.  Inquire about the album art before you shit on it.  Ask what inspired it.  Why did the band choose these images out of all the other possibilities?  Don't you care?  You certainly have an opinion but what is it based on? 

When you write a professional review, don't just give a pre-formatted play by play of how cb's been "dead" (another completely ignorant statement) for ten years and now they're back and we're all just so suprised that they've improved with age - and for the love of our dear Lord and Savior, Jesus tap dancing Christ - don't go through the song list telling people what each song is about.  How belittling!! 

Ok, still with me?  I love you.  I think you're an asshole, but I love you.  I just want you to know I'm down with the brotherhood of humanity.  I just take exception to garbage writing - especially when it is tied to the absolute genius that is Craig's Brother.  When it comes to The Brutha, there is no bigger zealot than me,  I assure you.  Every aspect of Craig's Brother, from the music to the imperfections of each member and those who love them (mainly me) is utterly oozing pure, uncut awesomeness.  If you're not on board, you're missing out on something you can be part of.  As it is, you're just a part that's going to go away.  In this body - you are the dead skin cells.

Last night I made a statement that a lot of the insidious lie reviews were written by people who have no knowledge of music or music production and my friend Pete didn't like that.  He came to the defense of non-musician music reviewers, saying they have a legitimate opinion too. (btw, I'm not saying that the bloggers I was referring to above aren't musicians, I don't know about that).  I agree with Pete.  I am one of those people, kind of.  I can play a few instruments and know a bit about theory but I am clueless as to the knowledge and jargon pertaining to different kinds of distortion or recording terms or basically anything technical.  I'll revert to using adjectives like "chunky" or "smooth" or "orgasmic", wait.... So, the point is, I'm not saying you have to be a musician to write a review or even a good review. I'm saying it's good to be a musician or in music production if you're going to try and judge technical aspects or how something was planned when you don't even know what you're talking about.  It's like a pastor who never studied Greek or Hebrew trying to teach the Bible.  You never explored what when into making it, so how can you create a fair representation of what is says to people?  (ok, that's another conversation but a bad-fucking-ass analogy).

>>>>INTERMISSION<<<<

I do plan on writing a review, but I wanted to review the reviewers first and I think I'm done with that now. I'm gonna grab a bowl of Frosted Flakes and I'll be right back.

>>>>END INTERMISSION<<<<

Song writing for The Insidious Lie began as early as I can remember.  I have been married to Ted for about ten and a half years and I recall hearing him jam around the house on songs like "closure", "crutch", "the aaronic blessing" and "adaline" since nearly the beginning.  Listening to those songs evolve over the last decade has been a privilege I can't begin to describe, and only became aware of in the most recent years.  I was there for the songwriting process of Epidemic and I have this to say about that EP - some of you out there picked up on the fact that the songs on that EP were hastily written and recorded.  What I wish to submit is how incredibly they turned out given the amount of effort that went into them!  They are all high quality, interesting songs.  Whether or not those 5 songs speak to you in any way, they are very significant to us and to a number of Craig's Brother fans.  You don't know why someone got that lame tattoo and you laugh at it - but it was significant to them.  Maybe it was the last picture their child drew before passing away.  The fact is, that Craig's Brother songs - ALL Craig's Brother songs, every single one - have effected someone in an enormous way.  That in and of itself overrides how boring you thought the EP was.

Ok, the Grand Finale is here.  I have to finish this and go fold laundry, so here we go.

The Insidious Lie 2011 (I actually got my 12 track copy in 2010 so haha)

12 Tracks (11 if you're from anywhere besides Japan or Craig's Brother) of unadulterated effort, combined genius and personal funding.  It's the first record known to be almost completely produced on credit, with ALL parties involved excited about and engaged in the goal.  We, The Brutha, me and everyone involved, couldn't be more pleased with the result.

Produced by Kyle Black, Andy Snyder, Ted Bond and assistant Ryan, TIL was recorded, mixed and mastered at 3 different locations, two of which were used on credit.  The Compound was paid up front and no (b.h.), Joe Clements does not accept payment in the form of weed, but, uh, thanks for asking.

TIL begins strong with Ted's powerful vocals immediately capturing the attention of anyone in the immediate vicinity.  A fast paced song, Freedom opens that gates with a reminder that Craig's Brother plays punk music.  The album contains a variety of songs that fit into varying sub genres of punk but not one is lacking vision or a point.  The main emphasis of this record seems to focus on the short comings of a materialistic society, accustomed to instant gratification and unaware of the world devastation that their ignorant consumerism plays into. The last song on the record, The Aaronic Blessing, seems like a ballad -type deal and it totally ties in with the main theme of the record.  A cry to the world and perhaps to God, Peace on Earth (another name foe TAB) gripps the soul with mournful pleas for justice. 

About the cover art, Iain Anderson heard the music and understood exactly what this record was about.  Using a thoughtful, artistic perspective, he went out and shot pictures of industrial buildings and world flags because he knew that was a gripping representation of the records theme.  He and CB support staff member Jesse Wizinsky had to grapple with translating the images Iain captured to an album sleeve.  It was not weak.  It was deep and meaningful.  The cover of Homecoming was weak. The inner booklet was the only interesting part of that design.

My personal favorite song on the new CB record is Fallen.  I have a little more room to speculate on CB song meanings than the average asshole, so take it as an informed opinion when I say that this song contains no small amount of genuine disdain for the way Christian people - especially those we have encountered in the music scene - conduct themselves.  You are a pack of liars and judgmental hypocrites.  You, Pop-Culture Christians!  Wake the fuck up and change your ways.  See that Craig's Brother has been a better representation of beautiful, broken, genuine humanity than you could ever understand in your vain, so called walk with Christ.  You might as well say you don't need Christ or you wouldn't have judged so harshly.  Take your lame black rimmed glasses off and trade them for some rose colored shades cause what you see is what you get.

Now go listen to my band!!  (We just put the PV profile up a couple days ago - but don't review it, or else!!) 3 Cards Short

Loving Craig's Brother is like Masturbating with Soap

Do you remember the time you tried it? Masturbating with soap, that is. Come on, we've all done it and subsequently experienced the shocking truth that can only be discovered while attempting to use our lathery old friend as a lubricant. Male or female, it's pretty much the worst pain you can inflict on your genetailia... aside from stuff I've seen on the interweb.... but we won't go there *shiver*

Loving Craig's Brother, for me, is like using soap as a lubricant and forgetting the outcome over, and over, and over, and over... until infinity. (that is, over ten years and running which often seems like what infinity may feel like)

Being me in relation to Ted in the scheme of his band is maddening. At first it feels good and exciting. There are shows not in Santa Cruz and emails saying how CB changed someone's life. There's attention, adoration and fanaticalism from people we have never met before... but then the crushing truth slowly sets in and I begin to realize that something's rotten in the state of Denmark.

I don't know what people think. People get their panties in a twist too damn easily that it makes me want to puke.... but before I go there, let's think for a moment... in poetic analogy.

Imagine if you will, a bride. Beautiful and radiant on her wedding day. She's all aglow in her perfect moment. That's, perfectly planned moment. How did she get there, at the end of the isle, waiting to make her traditional journey for all to view in wonder? She planned it. Hours and months of painstaking planning goes into the Brides wedding... and it almost always is the "brides wedding". Only with infrequency does the groom take as much interest in what font to use and what type of paper said font should be printed on. What type and color of flowers, what material for the table cloths, party favors and meals, don't forget the vegetarian option! Live band or DJ? What about a bartender, the brides maids dresses, shoes... more details than I care to write and more than you care to read. I sensed your boredom at the beginning of the sentence prior to this one. (that would have been the penultimate sentence of this paragraph if I didn't write this sentence of explanation... which was unneeded in the obviousness of what I was explaining, but I like the word "penultimate" and I will use it when I fucking want to).

We've all seen commercials for shows like Bridezilla and likely know a few Bridezilla's in reality. The Bride is consumed with the way she wants her wedding to be and everyone around her is also rallying for her desires. It is her day.

My argument (analogy) is that the Wedding Day to the Bride is as the Show to the Rock Star.... only the Rock Star's big day happens over, and over, and over, until infinity. At least, that's the hope, right? Rock stars (as opposed to other types of musician) are in desperate need of major attention. They have to be in the center of it. (You might argue that Kurt Cobain really didn't want all the attention and I agree that he may not have wanted what he got, but as a performer, he most certainly DID want attention in some form).

So the support system for the Rock star (or Bride..heh) continuously revolves around him/her. In my case, it's a "him". The support system is encouraging and helpful... but is also human and only able to take so fucking much before getting a little snippy sometimes... and I don't god damned deserve to be "ripped to shreds" for my sense of humor. Just like all you other assholes out there, I have an armpit, and I intend to expose it once in a while. You might not like the way it smells but it is all me, baby, and the one person who LOVES the way my armpit smells is the demi god that you freaking worship so get off my case when I think the band has been represented gayly.... whoa... digression in completeness.

I have been in this thing and supporting the cause with all that is in me for nearly eleven years. There have been struggles and personality conflicts. There is one person in the band in particular who I still bump heads with, in spite of our mutual efforts at actually loving and accepting each other. I know this person would leave without me in a heart beat... and this person would prefer if I wasn't around to screw up all his plans... that knowledge really hurts me... and yes, I do resent this person, his behavior and what he does publicly with frequency. I guess my reaction to him is my bad, though.

I'll say something snappy in a public forum and people get pissed at me. Actually, I've made a few good friends in this manner. There are two old enemies from the Craig's Brother message board that I am now fond friends with. I think they had to realize that I'm not just some shit talking bitch (well, I am... but not in the way they think) and that I do a lot of really helpful things with the band and my intention is never sabotage. One guy in particular recently told me that I should create something huge and share it with people so he could rip apart the way I presented it. I really, really want to put the guys name in here but instead, I'll just hope he reads this. The guy is a Christian from CO (typical asshole) and has made it so no one outside of his friends can send him messages on FB... so I couldn't message him and say, "Hey, the fuck?" Coward. He may have bought the CB record, but now Ted thinks he's a douche. So ha ha on you, buddy.

I have put a lot of personal effort into the new record. I have helped in many aspects. Sure, my efforts were small in comparison to say, Andy's, but they were significant to me.

It's difficult to support the bride over and over and over, while standing in her shadow, getting a little resentful of everyone thinking I'm in the way.

But... I forget the pain when I make awesome new friends from intelligent CB fans, or when I listen to CB music and realize why we all loved them in the first place.... or when I see Ted's face upon receipt of an email that his band has been invited to play on the main stage of the biggest punk festival in the entire world. I get excited when Ted asks if I want to sing on his record and then even lets me pick which songs I want to sing on.... or when I'm sitting around the studio and Andy asks me to sing because he likes my voice. I still get butterflies when I realize that Ted is watching me from the stage. Ted wants to include me in his project, and also in the victories and celebrations... and in those moments, I'm so happy that I forget the pain I feel when I am hated by that one person in the band or by a Craig's Brother fan...

So I lather, rinse and repeat... never totally achieving climax due to intense, biting pain... but loving the process over, and over, and over again, until infinity.

We're Talking Fuckin' Lee

Who of you is into Tenacious D? That's kind of a rhetorical question I guess, since I know not very many people read this (yet) but if you've a mind to answer in a more literal way, that would be acceptable.



I love the old Tenacious D special they had on Showtime or HBO or whatever channel it was. I have never really had cable so I just purchased the Complete Masterworks, of which there is apparently a part deux now.

There is one episode that frequently pops into my mind about when The D discovers they have an actual fan. They think the guy is a weirdo at first, but when they get home they look him up on the internet and kind of get obsessed. They are stoked to find that Lee knows a lot about them as people and as a band and they start learning all they can about Lee and actually start kind of stalking him.

I am reminded of that episode often when we come across new and particularly awesome Craig's Brother fan. I'll look the person (almost always male) up in facebook and try to get any info on them that I can - and it's in those moments that I feel like The D and Lee... *chuckle* I always wonder what they think when I approach them.

Some people I've gotten to know through the old message board, and those relationships have been pretty long-lasting. We have met many of the boardies. A number of them have even come to stay with us and we have done fun stuff like hikes and trips to San Francisco, tours of Santa Cruz and jamming with Craig's Brother.

Yes, because we have crossed the fan-band relationship and have become friends (obviously they were never my fans, some were quite the opposite) we've gotten a unique opportunity to meet some pretty awesome people. I think it's partly because CB members soak up the attention they get in places like FB and the old message board, and because they are accessible to and relate to their fans. I think the internet kind of does away with "fans" in a certain sense. I think a lot of band people go on their own message boards and that makes them more like the people you and I are and less like the unknowable beings they seem to be when viewed from an audience, tv or heard on the radio.

So that's it, I guess. I don't have to post all of my blogs, but they're more fun to write when I'm writing them to someone. So, if you have gotten an email from me, if I have posted on your blog or contacted you on facebook for the sake of or because of Craig's Brother, you are not alone or singled out, but you are totally rad.... unless my email to you indicated otherwise.

Craig's Brother Sucks!

I'm sure you've heard that before, from people who either don't like Ted's voice or who don't like Craig's Brother, or who do like Craig's Brother and were disappointed by a drunken show or a crappy show. I've been realizing lately that bad press is better than no press, though. This Article by David Segal of the New York Times, kind of memorialized that idea. It was one of the most entertaining articles I've read in a while, and has kind of let me see through a cracked door of internet possibility.

I created this blog in 2004 but at that point I was activley blogging on myspace.com/snowflake79/blog and getting a tremendous amount of views... so this place was left on the back burner. (I think I still have less than 400 views accumulated over the past 7 years.)

Since I hardly ever log onto myspace anymore, and there's nowhere to blog on facebook, I'm attempting to resurrect this blog site and get some more traffic through here. I wish I could switch up my blog a bit. I wish I could consolidate my posts without loosing the dates they were posted on... the dates are kind of significant to me, but it's clear that I had no idea how to use this site when I first created my profile.

I've had some stuff to say about Craig's Brother lately, which is good because it gets me writing.

I'm listening to The Insidious Lie right now and considering how awesome it is that the band, as it is, is able pull off a lot more complex guitar work than before and have a tighter live set. I don't know if it's because they're older now or what... but Craig's Brother has occasionally had difficulty living up to their own musical standard live, and I think that situation has vastly improved in the last few years.

I think it's because Ted and Glade are now the longest standing guitar players, both having been actively playing guitar in Craig's Brother for over 5 years, I don't think any other guitar player has been with the band as long.... well, Steven... but he's a special exception and has his own thing going.... but having consistency in band members has been an important ingredient in pulling off an awesome live show. Who'd have known?

I'm really proud of Ted. He was an amazing front man without having to play guitar. He moved around and climbed up on top of things... but anything he lost in mobility was gained in shreddingness of his guitar playing. Plus, he can still move around a little with his guitar and do like, windmill's on the strings and stuff.

I'm also really proud of Craig's Brother. I have long appreciated the quality of fan they attract - not that they don't attract loons too... CB fans are, for the most part, really intelligent and introspective people. There are the ones who have been known to us since the message board days, and more that we've only just discovered. It's really encouraging. I think we get confused as to what the goal of Craig's brother is. The goal might be something different in the view the actual band members, and not the "honorary" members or "support staff" - as I've taken to calling myself lately, but here it is from my perspective; impacting lives.

They've done it. If the last week has shown me anything, It's that. I know people will read this, but I don't know if everyone will... I want to say thank you for sending in letters of support and thank you even for just talking about Craig's Brother in your personal lives, blogs and message boards. They would make music even if there was no one to listen to it, but since there is, they make it for you and knowing that it has touched you is so significant.