Loving Craig's Brother is like Masturbating with Soap

Do you remember the time you tried it? Masturbating with soap, that is. Come on, we've all done it and subsequently experienced the shocking truth that can only be discovered while attempting to use our lathery old friend as a lubricant. Male or female, it's pretty much the worst pain you can inflict on your genetailia... aside from stuff I've seen on the interweb.... but we won't go there *shiver*

Loving Craig's Brother, for me, is like using soap as a lubricant and forgetting the outcome over, and over, and over, and over... until infinity. (that is, over ten years and running which often seems like what infinity may feel like)

Being me in relation to Ted in the scheme of his band is maddening. At first it feels good and exciting. There are shows not in Santa Cruz and emails saying how CB changed someone's life. There's attention, adoration and fanaticalism from people we have never met before... but then the crushing truth slowly sets in and I begin to realize that something's rotten in the state of Denmark.

I don't know what people think. People get their panties in a twist too damn easily that it makes me want to puke.... but before I go there, let's think for a moment... in poetic analogy.

Imagine if you will, a bride. Beautiful and radiant on her wedding day. She's all aglow in her perfect moment. That's, perfectly planned moment. How did she get there, at the end of the isle, waiting to make her traditional journey for all to view in wonder? She planned it. Hours and months of painstaking planning goes into the Brides wedding... and it almost always is the "brides wedding". Only with infrequency does the groom take as much interest in what font to use and what type of paper said font should be printed on. What type and color of flowers, what material for the table cloths, party favors and meals, don't forget the vegetarian option! Live band or DJ? What about a bartender, the brides maids dresses, shoes... more details than I care to write and more than you care to read. I sensed your boredom at the beginning of the sentence prior to this one. (that would have been the penultimate sentence of this paragraph if I didn't write this sentence of explanation... which was unneeded in the obviousness of what I was explaining, but I like the word "penultimate" and I will use it when I fucking want to).

We've all seen commercials for shows like Bridezilla and likely know a few Bridezilla's in reality. The Bride is consumed with the way she wants her wedding to be and everyone around her is also rallying for her desires. It is her day.

My argument (analogy) is that the Wedding Day to the Bride is as the Show to the Rock Star.... only the Rock Star's big day happens over, and over, and over, until infinity. At least, that's the hope, right? Rock stars (as opposed to other types of musician) are in desperate need of major attention. They have to be in the center of it. (You might argue that Kurt Cobain really didn't want all the attention and I agree that he may not have wanted what he got, but as a performer, he most certainly DID want attention in some form).

So the support system for the Rock star (or Bride..heh) continuously revolves around him/her. In my case, it's a "him". The support system is encouraging and helpful... but is also human and only able to take so fucking much before getting a little snippy sometimes... and I don't god damned deserve to be "ripped to shreds" for my sense of humor. Just like all you other assholes out there, I have an armpit, and I intend to expose it once in a while. You might not like the way it smells but it is all me, baby, and the one person who LOVES the way my armpit smells is the demi god that you freaking worship so get off my case when I think the band has been represented gayly.... whoa... digression in completeness.

I have been in this thing and supporting the cause with all that is in me for nearly eleven years. There have been struggles and personality conflicts. There is one person in the band in particular who I still bump heads with, in spite of our mutual efforts at actually loving and accepting each other. I know this person would leave without me in a heart beat... and this person would prefer if I wasn't around to screw up all his plans... that knowledge really hurts me... and yes, I do resent this person, his behavior and what he does publicly with frequency. I guess my reaction to him is my bad, though.

I'll say something snappy in a public forum and people get pissed at me. Actually, I've made a few good friends in this manner. There are two old enemies from the Craig's Brother message board that I am now fond friends with. I think they had to realize that I'm not just some shit talking bitch (well, I am... but not in the way they think) and that I do a lot of really helpful things with the band and my intention is never sabotage. One guy in particular recently told me that I should create something huge and share it with people so he could rip apart the way I presented it. I really, really want to put the guys name in here but instead, I'll just hope he reads this. The guy is a Christian from CO (typical asshole) and has made it so no one outside of his friends can send him messages on FB... so I couldn't message him and say, "Hey, the fuck?" Coward. He may have bought the CB record, but now Ted thinks he's a douche. So ha ha on you, buddy.

I have put a lot of personal effort into the new record. I have helped in many aspects. Sure, my efforts were small in comparison to say, Andy's, but they were significant to me.

It's difficult to support the bride over and over and over, while standing in her shadow, getting a little resentful of everyone thinking I'm in the way.

But... I forget the pain when I make awesome new friends from intelligent CB fans, or when I listen to CB music and realize why we all loved them in the first place.... or when I see Ted's face upon receipt of an email that his band has been invited to play on the main stage of the biggest punk festival in the entire world. I get excited when Ted asks if I want to sing on his record and then even lets me pick which songs I want to sing on.... or when I'm sitting around the studio and Andy asks me to sing because he likes my voice. I still get butterflies when I realize that Ted is watching me from the stage. Ted wants to include me in his project, and also in the victories and celebrations... and in those moments, I'm so happy that I forget the pain I feel when I am hated by that one person in the band or by a Craig's Brother fan...

So I lather, rinse and repeat... never totally achieving climax due to intense, biting pain... but loving the process over, and over, and over again, until infinity.