You Have Nothing New to Say
(or, I can't believe an awesome guy like Ted is married to such a kook)
Dear Idiots and Smart People,
This is going to be my review of the brand new Craig's Brother album, The Insidious Lie. It's a review (actually worth reading) from an insider's perspective. Now, before you get your panties in a twist and navigate away, I'd like to point out that I respect that you have a perspective. A lot of my phrasing and flavor is my art form and is largely satire based on opinion. The one thing I struggle with is being able to handle the effects my humor has on people. I often find myself remorseful of ruffling someone's fur... or perhaps it's just surprising that people don't understand what I say is almost always exaggerated for humor's sake.
So, that's your disclaimer. Here we go.
To the reviewers thus far (the most recent ones in particular), I'm curious if you are aware that what you wrote in your painstaking commentary was pretty much exactly the same review as the last guy's? Where's the research? More importantly, where's the passion? You're writing a review because it's your job or your hobby but it's written as if you're bored to tears. Why do you do it? Do you want to show the world that you have an opinion on punk rock's whipping boy? I mean, I get it. The whole, wanting to throw your two cents out to the interweb. I do it all the time via much more asinine means than your dumb blog (see: faceinhole.com).
But, you know? Ok? At least what I do is for pleasure. That much should be obvious. Your blog just seems so, blasé-cause-I-have-to. You're writing off something beautiful with absolutely no knowledge of the effort that went in to it, and how awesome it really is is totally lost on you. If you are the head of or an associate of a professional organization that reviews music then you should, A) Write an original review not exactly like the last guy's, and B) Know what you're talking about. Send someone to talk to the band about what happened during all stages of producing their record. Inquire about the album art before you shit on it. Ask what inspired it. Why did the band choose these images out of all the other possibilities? Don't you care? You certainly have an opinion but what is it based on?
When you write a professional review, don't just give a pre-formatted play by play of how cb's been "dead" (another completely ignorant statement) for ten years and now they're back and we're all just so suprised that they've improved with age - and for the love of our dear Lord and Savior, Jesus tap dancing Christ - don't go through the song list telling people what each song is about. How belittling!!
Ok, still with me? I love you. I think you're an asshole, but I love you. I just want you to know I'm down with the brotherhood of humanity. I just take exception to garbage writing - especially when it is tied to the absolute genius that is Craig's Brother. When it comes to The Brutha, there is no bigger zealot than me, I assure you. Every aspect of Craig's Brother, from the music to the imperfections of each member and those who love them (mainly me) is utterly oozing pure, uncut awesomeness. If you're not on board, you're missing out on something you can be part of. As it is, you're just a part that's going to go away. In this body - you are the dead skin cells.
Last night I made a statement that a lot of the insidious lie reviews were written by people who have no knowledge of music or music production and my friend Pete didn't like that. He came to the defense of non-musician music reviewers, saying they have a legitimate opinion too. (btw, I'm not saying that the bloggers I was referring to above aren't musicians, I don't know about that). I agree with Pete. I am one of those people, kind of. I can play a few instruments and know a bit about theory but I am clueless as to the knowledge and jargon pertaining to different kinds of distortion or recording terms or basically anything technical. I'll revert to using adjectives like "chunky" or "smooth" or "orgasmic", wait.... So, the point is, I'm not saying you have to be a musician to write a review or even a good review. I'm saying it's good to be a musician or in music production if you're going to try and judge technical aspects or how something was planned when you don't even know what you're talking about. It's like a pastor who never studied Greek or Hebrew trying to teach the Bible. You never explored what when into making it, so how can you create a fair representation of what is says to people? (ok, that's another conversation but a bad-fucking-ass analogy).
>>>>INTERMISSION<<<<
I do plan on writing a review, but I wanted to review the reviewers first and I think I'm done with that now. I'm gonna grab a bowl of Frosted Flakes and I'll be right back.
>>>>END INTERMISSION<<<<
Song writing for The Insidious Lie began as early as I can remember. I have been married to Ted for about ten and a half years and I recall hearing him jam around the house on songs like "closure", "crutch", "the aaronic blessing" and "adaline" since nearly the beginning. Listening to those songs evolve over the last decade has been a privilege I can't begin to describe, and only became aware of in the most recent years. I was there for the songwriting process of Epidemic and I have this to say about that EP - some of you out there picked up on the fact that the songs on that EP were hastily written and recorded. What I wish to submit is how incredibly they turned out given the amount of effort that went into them! They are all high quality, interesting songs. Whether or not those 5 songs speak to you in any way, they are very significant to us and to a number of Craig's Brother fans. You don't know why someone got that lame tattoo and you laugh at it - but it was significant to them. Maybe it was the last picture their child drew before passing away. The fact is, that Craig's Brother songs - ALL Craig's Brother songs, every single one - have effected someone in an enormous way. That in and of itself overrides how boring you thought the EP was.
Ok, the Grand Finale is here. I have to finish this and go fold laundry, so here we go.
The Insidious Lie 2011 (I actually got my 12 track copy in 2010 so haha)
12 Tracks (11 if you're from anywhere besides Japan or Craig's Brother) of unadulterated effort, combined genius and personal funding. It's the first record known to be almost completely produced on credit, with ALL parties involved excited about and engaged in the goal. We, The Brutha, me and everyone involved, couldn't be more pleased with the result.
Produced by Kyle Black, Andy Snyder, Ted Bond and assistant Ryan, TIL was recorded, mixed and mastered at 3 different locations, two of which were used on credit. The Compound was paid up front and no (b.h.), Joe Clements does not accept payment in the form of weed, but, uh, thanks for asking.
TIL begins strong with Ted's powerful vocals immediately capturing the attention of anyone in the immediate vicinity. A fast paced song, Freedom opens that gates with a reminder that Craig's Brother plays punk music. The album contains a variety of songs that fit into varying sub genres of punk but not one is lacking vision or a point. The main emphasis of this record seems to focus on the short comings of a materialistic society, accustomed to instant gratification and unaware of the world devastation that their ignorant consumerism plays into. The last song on the record, The Aaronic Blessing, seems like a ballad -type deal and it totally ties in with the main theme of the record. A cry to the world and perhaps to God, Peace on Earth (another name foe TAB) gripps the soul with mournful pleas for justice.
About the cover art, Iain Anderson heard the music and understood exactly what this record was about. Using a thoughtful, artistic perspective, he went out and shot pictures of industrial buildings and world flags because he knew that was a gripping representation of the records theme. He and CB support staff member Jesse Wizinsky had to grapple with translating the images Iain captured to an album sleeve. It was not weak. It was deep and meaningful. The cover of Homecoming was weak. The inner booklet was the only interesting part of that design.
My personal favorite song on the new CB record is Fallen. I have a little more room to speculate on CB song meanings than the average asshole, so take it as an informed opinion when I say that this song contains no small amount of genuine disdain for the way Christian people - especially those we have encountered in the music scene - conduct themselves. You are a pack of liars and judgmental hypocrites. You, Pop-Culture Christians! Wake the fuck up and change your ways. See that Craig's Brother has been a better representation of beautiful, broken, genuine humanity than you could ever understand in your vain, so called walk with Christ. You might as well say you don't need Christ or you wouldn't have judged so harshly. Take your lame black rimmed glasses off and trade them for some rose colored shades cause what you see is what you get.
Now go listen to my band!! (We just put the PV profile up a couple days ago - but don't review it, or else!!) 3 Cards Short
favorite quote... "take it as an informed opinion when I say that this song contains no small amount of genuine disdain for the way Christian people - especially those we have encountered in the music scene - conduct themselves. You are a pack of liars and judgmental hypocrites. You, Pop-Culture Christians! Wake the fuck up and change your ways."
ReplyDeleteI loved it all - the review and the pre-review!
I can't really say too much else other than you hit the nail on the head and it went into the wood first time like on the karate kid.
and of course the Nofx quote at the end was nicely worked in there.
you mentioned at the beginning about feeling bad when someone takes offence at something you meant as a joke this is one of our biggest similarities, I get angry and depressed for days when that happens so you're not alone on that count!
You're my buddy, guy. :) I can always count on you to totally get whatever it is I'm doing - if the last months have shown me anything.
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